Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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