Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
