you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
