You can't motorboat a personality
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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