You just made me feel so damn special
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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