i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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