it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize