Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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