So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
