pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
