what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize