What a fucking waste of an outfit
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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