A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
