you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
