i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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