new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
