life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
