Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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