How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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