about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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