I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize