I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
