your parents love me but you hate me
I didn't shave. On purpose
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
