so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize