You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
