it was like having sex with a tree stump
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
