There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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