This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
