I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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