i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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