then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
