guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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