i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
