She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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