you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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