oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Boobs are out for the taking
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need to calm my uterus...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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