You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
