i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
