I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
