My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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