I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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