So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
