Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
