I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
