I must be too annoying 4 u.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
