I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
