the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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