yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
MIDGETS
????
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
