I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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