I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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