apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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