I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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