eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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