Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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