Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
