dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
