Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
