just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
