dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
