oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
