the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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