I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
