I heard we made out
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
