I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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