dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
