i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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