tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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