my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
