just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
