I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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