My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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