She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
