Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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