i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
