Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Can you bring me the toilet please
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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