epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
